new year

2008 is almost over, and before it is, i'd just like to say thank you the people who were there and made up the year.

to sissy
who was always there. of course. this year i knew you better and i'm happy we're becoming more like sisters ;) thank you for always trying to cheer me up and be sabaw with me

to ate kathy
who taught me to believe in myself and helped me grow spiritually. thank you so much, because even with the small things you say, you do big things in people's lives, including mine.

to mark
who's always been someone i can talk to

to mj
who i still think of as my little brother. you're someone who i can always count on ;)

to pongsuk
even though we're far apart and we haven't seen each other in a really long time, you're still one of my true friends and i hope that never changes. one day we will spend winter together ;)

to zeus and miguel
who i can always be myself with. ;D

to jennica
who's always ready to listen and who's always been helping me in problems :) thank you

to al
who always had ways to make me laugh in any situation. alam ko may utang pa ko sayo haha ;p

to adeline
from whom i see strength and have witnessed that something good always come out of the things you work hard for. you rock adel ;D

to ricky
who told me to make the most out of time. you did a lot for me and others and for sure you'll get your reward ;)

to lionel
who helped me keep my chin up when i was sad. i know there'll be better things for you :)

to shep ja
who was always ready to help and made sure i knew i could go to him for help

and last,
to selwyne
who always played a big role. who taught me to be patient, to believe, to accept, to forgive. who showed me that there are good things even in the bad. who made me feel everything had meaning, made me appreciate the little miracles in life. thank you


i hope the new year will be a year of growth for us.
i hope the new year will be a step closer to who and where we're supposed to be.
happy new year :)

Christmas

to be honest, i thought my first Christmas in London would be the worst because of the whole we're-not-in-philippines thing, and with all the things that had happened. thankfully, i was wrong.

december 24
my sister and i are stuck at home with nothing to do but tidy up our room.
in the afternoon, i recieve a text but i didn't know what to do with it.
the highlight of the day was the movie Les Choristes (The Chorus) showing on tv at 11pm. after the movie, we freshened up, and suddenly, my sister gets all excited and says, "let's go check our stockings!" i say no in my mind but i go anyway, telling myself i should lighten up.
so we go down to the dining room, where the stockings were hung. i reach into mine and i find a box i saw my dad wrapping earlier. as soon as i hold it, i know what's inside. they told me before they oredered it for me. Tommy Girl cologne. :)

i open it and test it and i immediately love the smell.
when i opened it, my sister's face fell. not because she wanted one too, but because she thought it would be something else. and i asked and asked and asked what it was that she knew they were getting me and wooooohhhooo she said.. iPod! :D we jumped around in our little room for awhile.
in that short moment, i felt Christmas. not because i knew what i would be getting and i liked what i already had, but because i felt joy and peace... joy that comes when you're with someone you love. joy that comes when you're happy with the way things are and another amazing thing happens. and peace that comes when you stop trying to control things; when you just let go and let Him carry it on for you as it is planned.
after the excitement, i lie on my bed and try to sleep but i cannot. i'm still filled with happiness that makes me just want to go outside and go for a run in the early morning cold.
to calm myself down, i think of everything. what people might be doing, how they are, what i would sing if they ask me to sing, would i even have the guts to sing?, wonder how my lola and the choir sang in the mass, wonder if my lola is doing fine. then i remember the text.
i picked up my phone, read it, and asked myself if i should reply. after a long debate in my head, i decided i would so i did and then fell asleep.

december 25
i woke up happy and refreshed. i felt excited to start the day but sadly, had no one to share the excitement with. my sister was being grumpy and my parents were busy getting things done. so i just kept all the excitement to myself.
i recieved a reply to my text, and what it says makes me feel at ease. it reassures me that whatever happens, everything will be okay. i reply, saying thank you and i am happy that we have fixed things. i am happy that i have finally learned how to let go.
i walked fast to church, because i wanted to get there on time and i just had the feeling of wanting to be there, especially on this day.
when mass was over, we walked home and ate breakfast. around 2pm, we started preparing for Christmas dinner at our relative's house. we baked the ham and its sauce and made carbonara. we called home at around 3pm, where the whole family was gathered. well, at least what's left of the Santos family in the philippines. around 4.30pm, we were ready and made our way to tita's house.
it was a peaceful party. family, a lot of food, singing, a bit of dancing, pictures, exchange gifts, laughter; togetherness. everybody who was there, was there. it was nothing special, but it definitely was Christmas.



i thought Christmas was going to be one of the worst, because i let myself forget what it should have been about. i let myself become too busy with worrying too much. i let myself become blind to happiness and love around me by just looking at my sadness and problems.
i am grateful that He helped me give it all to Him by working through family and friends, so i could be happy on His day.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." - Helen Keller